Hello,

Omg, I almost forget I have a blog haha, but anyways hello!
Happy 2018! It's a new year again. I wonder how this year will be like for me.
Personally, I have a lot of expectation for this year, particularly because I'm going to be 2nd year student so I figured out I should probably get my life together.

To be honest, 2017 wasn't really good for me. I felt like I wasn't truly happy with where I was at at the point of life - particularly with my mentality and emotions. But it wasn't all that bad I guess, I learned some things along the way.

So hopefully, 2018 will be a move eventful and fruitful year. I want to explore more and learn more about myself. I want to build a greater relationship with the people around me.

I hope 2017 was good for yallz and 2018 will be even better! Be happy always!

Omg ok i found this entry that I didnt finish nor posted. Back then I really spent hours juicing out content for this post to document one of the most physically tiring point of my life. Well, let's just appreciate what the 2016 Hui Lin typed......

Hello,
So I finally settled down and thought pretty hard on what I want to write today.
After much whining and complaining about my part time job, I finally decided to unofficially quit. The reason why I said 'unofficially' is because I have not officially quit - I did not go back to the HR and tell them I wanted to resign from this part time job. So basically I still am an employee there, just that I currently have no plan on going back to work there any sooner (or anymore) during holidays, free time etc. I held back from burning all bridges because my colleague (or work friend because we became quite good friends through work) and I thought it would be better to quit once we found another part time job, so that if we never do find another, we can just fall back to this one.

These five months working there was both living hell and pleasant enjoyable moment (I couldn't think of word/phrase that contrast living hell so I came out with a terrible description). I think the former is more real compared to the latter. Below, I'll just briefly describe what I meant. (Do take note that I did not reveal my part time job so that I'll avoid any unforeseen circumstances)

1. Cheap Labour
Yes, $7/h is okay. I know some people in poverty country work really hard yet get paid really little, and that I'm in no position to whine compared to them. However, we too work really hard and the hourly wage doesn't justify it. Many people are familiar with the concept of company paying double during public holiday because the crowd is hectic and uncontrollable. Well too bad for me, my part time job doesn't pay me double. Trust me when I say the restaurant during public holiday will be crowded as hell and very little workers are going to work. So you basically have to work your ass off that day (I've been through it countless of time, so I can say this).

 I remember once I worked on a Sunday and there were only 3 people working (exc Kitchen staffs). They just threw all three tasks at me - Order taking, table clearing, welcoming and ushering customers to the table, cashiering and attending to any customers' needs. Well you see, it's more than 3 already. It felt like crap and I do feel like crying at times like that (of course I won't because I don't even have time to break down). A man came up to me and said he wanted to complain to MOM for abusing their employee upon seeing me doing all the jobs. I don't know what gunk got into my mind that day for apologising behalf of that company and saying I was okay. He even asked whether did the company pay me triple but of course hahahaha lets be realistic, I hope they will but they of course won't.

Also, you do everything in that restaurant. I do know of many restaurants that hire dish washers to wash the plates instead of making the waiter/waitresses do it (dish washer pay is surprisingly not bad). Again, too bad, that's not the case here. You wash the plates here *surprise*surprise*. I was not told prior working that washing the plate is part of the job scoop ok!!! I remember washing all the plates during my first day at work and that day was a Sunday. There were SO MANY PLATES to wash and these plates are not light ok. There are made of metal, which is very very heavy. I vividly remember standing there for hours scrubbing both ceramic and metal plates, sending them into the dish washer to be washed thoroughly, stacking them up and returning them to where it supposed to be (I didn't really return the plates much on that day because one of the worker insisted that I should not carry heavy stuff. Well said hahaha but afterwards when I work, I have to do it sobs sobs).

2. Full Timers and Part Timers
A very good full time colleague of mine told me that someone told her to "not do so much work" and "let the part timers do/ push all the work to the part timers". I believe this was told to every full timers. Of course, she did not compel into doing it because she felt that it was not right to do it. There was many full timers that were very nice and caring towards us, and there was some that wasn't. Let's take N for instance. For a few weeks/one month, I worked with her outside (outside as in doing the ordering, cashiering etc /i wrote on top/) almost every single time. Trust me when I say she did almost nothing and she loves to linger at the cashier area because cashiering is the easiest. I knew something was off initially but I really didn't point it out because I was quite new back then. It was only when that very good full time colleague (lets call her 'J') told me that she was using me. Being fully aware of the situation didn't immediately got me out of it as I was still not bold enough. It was only when the last few weeks before I 'quit', I was a little bolder than before to slow down my pace, not overworked myself and get her to do some shiat too.

3. Bad working environment
By this time, I'm already quite tired so I think I'll try to keep this point short and sweet :'). Okai Okai. The reason why I said it was a bad working environment are because of a few different factors. These factors might seem really minor but trust me they do make a world of a difference. 1) Noisy - It was super noisy geez, babies were crying and people were talking really loudly. Because the place I worked at is very family friendly/kids friendly/ wallet friendly, many families LOVE to bring their families to dine here. Some parents really very inconsiderate and just let their child(ren) scream and shout all they want. 2) Infants/Toddlers/Kids - They just drop like 60% of the food they eat on the floor. I don't blame them, I mean hello young kids of course won't be able to eat/hold utensils properly. The problem lies on their parents. Yes, this is not your house, you do not have to clean up after the mess, but at least be considerate to other people. I always think that parents have the greatest control over their child. If your child is being rude to someone, and you said nothing to correct them, of course they will continue to be rude. Likewise as a parent, if you don't ensure your child don't create a mess in the restaurant, they will just continue with what they are so used to doing. 3) Drink bar - The restaurant drink bar is self service and free flow, so that means customers will be walking around to collect their drink all the time. The aisle automatically becomes very congested. We also need to be constantly looking out for the drinks station - "Is there enough ice?" "Is there enough milk for the coffee?" etc etc. I think drink bar is not a huge problem for me.

4. Terrible Customers

I'm still growing, I need time to understand myself well.

Different year, same me.

I don't know why but I feel like a sense to need to write a new year post, like every other past years. Probably because I need to commence this year with a post again.

HAPPY 2017! 

I'm turning 18 this year. I guess I'm still excited about what the future holds, like how I always am. I know deep down how 2017 will be a very different year from me. I'd made many decisions in 2016 that change the route I'll take in 2017. Relieved? Excited? I'm not sure, but let see where the road brings me. 

What more can I say? What more can I do. To know that I really am unwilling to do this anymore. I'm really tired, really really tired. I love God, of course, God, every time I speak of Him, good things naturally flow out of my mouth. God is awesome, He is faithful, He is always on time, He teaches, he comforts. So so so much more unexplained goodness of God. But why? why am i so tired. Why do I dread this so much. I don't see the purpose, I don't feel belong, I can't seem to click with the community. I can't, and I know no matter how much effort I put in, in the end of the day I know I'm just doing it because I have to do it. Genuine V.s task completion. Task complete sits more on the throne. Why? I can be honestly genuine to my friends, those I know even if we don't meet for months, nothing will change. I gave my all for the community, there were days, weeks even months, or should I say years where I really poured out all of me to continue it. Now I know I can't, I'm drained and tired, I'm so sorry, I'm going to end it.

Yes, a lot of time I hold multiple choices to problems. Multiple. However, I'm easily manipulated and swayed by people's opinions, judgement and comments. Afraid of the outcome my choices will bring, afraid of the reaction it will produce, afraid of the people there.

Today's talk with my father and some of my relatives made me realise that I do have the choice. I grasped it in my hand but afraid to unleash its potential. I have a voice, just like how I made up my mind that the cheese job wasn't right for me, I made the correct choice instantaneously to end it.

Many of the time we hold the solutions to our problems, we can allow or block access of it from our lives. But how many time did we realise what we ourselves can do for ourselves? Why must we follow the road that people have envisioned and path for us when ourselves know its not right for us? Just like how my ex co-worker in the cheese shop thought that I have a lot of potential and good working spirit, I myself realised it is not what I'm capable doing in the long run.

Keys are in our hands, put it to good use.

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